Having a pity party!

My daughter is getting older, less dependent, not as lovey dubby every minute. And time is ticking! She will be 7 in a few more months and I will be 30. She is gone all day at school and the few hours I have with her are crucial! I miss her! I tried to push the feelings of wanting another child aside by saying "Oh, one child is enough, we are happy with one." I tried to replace those feelings with a new puppy (that turned out totally wrong for our family), running, trying to serve in my calling more but it only helped during those moments and then the feelings would come back ten-fold. My heart is aching for someone to depend on me and love me again. I miss that with my daughter. I miss feeling her kick inside me, those precious moments at the 2 am feeding, watching her as she learned to walk, talk, eat whatever it is! And I loved changing her diapers. I miss it all! I want to do it all again! As I read others blogs, look at pictures, talk to other families, truly my heart is aching! I don't want to hear one more person say to me "At least you have one." "Why chance it" "Be happy with you got"! I know I am very blessed to have one and I love the new adventures we are living with her but am I selfish to want another!? To want Analise to be a big sister. To see my husbands face when I tell him I'm pregnant! I want to feel and experience it all again! I'm so jealous and it is so hard to hear when others are pregnant! I'm happy for you but I want to cry! So for now.....JUST LET ME CRY!!!

To take the pain away

On Monday we got a call from school that Analise was in the nurse's office in pain! So I rushed to the school and her wrist was swollen on her left arm and she was crying! They said she had fallen from the tall bar at recess. Ouch! Luckily I was able to pass Riley off to her mom and we met Cody at the hospital. She was being so tough...every once in a while she would cry and say she wanted to scream because it her hurt so bad! They did some x-rays and the doctor came in and said it was broken. They wheeled us into a room and said they would need to put Analise to sleep in order to put the bone back in place. The doctor of course walked me through the procedure but I don't think I wanted to listen to all of the things that could happen...I only wanted to hear that they were going to fix her! Cody held her while they put the I.V. in her arm and that was the time when she screamed and then Cody went white and I had to take his place! Let me tell you it's one thing when you are getting an I.V. or anything done but when your daughter is laying in so much pain in the hospital and you can't take that pain away it is a totally different experience and one that I hope you don't have to experience! I can't imagine going through this everyday with cancer or any other disease. I felt woosy a few times, it was just to painful to watch! With pain medication in her, hooked up to all the machines, oxygen going in her they were ready to put the bone in place. We left the room for this part!!! She woke up within 10 minutes with a splint (soft cast) on and they sent us home.

Home was rough! It was just sad to see her want to do things herself and cry because she couldn't. Her fingers looked like little sausages because they were so swollen. Nighttime was even harder she couldn't get comfortable and the pain was the worst when she was trying to sleep!

One night I think the medicine made her a little loopy and she talked about the tattoo on her face and the lions on the rocket. She needed to go potty, so Cody told her to stand up and he would hold her arm to get off the bed...and she said "Why, my arms aren't broken!?" It was pretty funny!

Now it is Thursday and we have gone all day without medicine and she hasn't complained once of pain! She is even trying to do things with her arm and we are so thrilled to know that it is slowly getting better! In 1 week she will get her hard cast on and then it will be a countdown to the day it comes off! And we will try to send her back to school tomorrow! How grateful I am for wonderful friends and family that have given Analise so much love! It has sure made it easier!!!